Do you ever wonder if you’ve been cursed? Do you find yourself frequently getting knocked off kilter emotionally or being physically hurt in seemingly random events? Do bad people mess with you like a predator toys with prey? Do you feel like you’ve grown accustomed to being miserable? Then you just may be a Victim.
The Victim is a bad luck magnet with a whole mess of evidence that the universe is against him or her.
Victimhood usually starts with tragic circumstances the Victim does not have the tools to process. The Victim forms a self-definition around this heavy emotional baggage and eventually so strongly identifies with it that the Victim subconsciously attracts the events and people that will reinforce his or her role as a Victim. In other words, Victims negotiate their personal boundaries and defenses which leaves them victimized.
Q: Why would anyone do this?
A: Because it attracts attention. And the Victim, sadly, equates the attention of sympathy with love.
What the Victim fails to understand is that “sympathy” is a very poor quality of attention in the full spectrum of what love is.
- Attracting demeaning situations
- Falling prey to the meanest in the bunch
- Being last on the to-do list
- Uncomfortable expressing needs or demanding what is deserved
- Silently enduring harm from others
A Happy Victim
A hospital bed surrounded by concerned faces. A signed cast. “Get Well Soon” cards and roses galore. These are a few of the Victim’s favorite things. Other perks of Victimhood include: ambulance sirens, seeing people go into “emergency mode,” long, and drawn-out retellings of the horrible things that have happened.
There are people who became famous because they were victims of crime, accidents, disasters, and the like, but this is not the same thing as being a person with a Victim mentality who is perpetually having a hard time with life. Such types rarely become well-known because their energy is too wrapped up in problems to make a name for themselves and their circle of influence is limited.
Victims love to get sympathy from any and all who will give it, including: the Angel, Besty, Codependent, Advocate, Prince, and Princess. Victims gravitate to:the Vampire, Con Artist, Mythomaniac, Narcissist, and Cheater
Victim in Love
Victims are energy vampires who will gladly suck every bit of joy out of healthy people’s lives with their primary tools: guilt and shame. They make their loved ones feel terrible about their own good fortune and ashamed to experience pleasure of any kind. Their partners better be ready to spring to the Victim’s side at a moment’s notice, give everything they have to make a situation better and pay full attention to the pain and suffering of the Victim. As totally un-fun as this sounds, many find the Victim irresistibly attractive, namely those who have a savior complex.
To think of others and the big picture is super-hard for the Victim because both the conscious and subconscious parts of their minds are tied up with creating the next calamity. But until the Victim achieves a higher viewpoint, he or she will not see that the pattern of victimhood is to some degree self-created.
How to Play It
Forgiveness is the path to healing for the Victim. The Victim not only has to forgive others for wrongdoings and the pain they have caused, but more importantly the Victim must forgive himself or herself for not protecting and defending against harm. The shift in emotional energy that forgiveness brings will allow for a new perspective. A new identity can be formed, and the Victim can transform into a Survivor. A Survivor is someone who overcomes adversity and is stronger on the other side.
The shift may or may not happen immediately. Most Victims find that overcoming this state takes a lot of work. Changing deeply ingrained beliefs and attitudes isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort because life can be pretty sweet on the other side of Victimhood.